These Phrases from A Father Which Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to talk between men, who continue to absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."